It’s been a few days I know, sorry. Since my last post I decided to take a look around facebook. I used to maintain a myspace years ago, then it exploded and I didn’t care for the turn it took so I left it. Then earlier this year I ran into someone that I sort of grew up with (we were in the same church community). We had an “oh my gosh how are you!? Hows your sister? How are your parents?” couple of moments, then quicker than I could process the information I was receiving I was asked if I was on Facebook. I said no and was quickly directed that I should be because everyone we know is on it. So I went home and signed up. Facebook as I had known it was only for college students, I didn’t realize they opened it to everyone. Thankfully it’s about 1000% less annoying than myspace and about 2000% less than it’s inhabitants. It’s cleaner, it’s simpler, it’s just right. It wasn’t until the other day that I really took a moment to look for a few people, I mean I hadn’t really been on it since I signed up. It was sparked by a couple email notices of friendship requests. So I took a moment to look and I found a few people. Looking through their friends list I found more. I ended up pretty much finding everyone I’ve ever know since about middle school. It’s crazy, the thing is I’ve been able to get in contact with people I’ve wanted to reconnect with for what seems like forever.
But there are 2 sides to that coin. On one side it’s really amazing to see where everyone is in there life and what they are doing. Getting married, having kids, working hard in their careers. It’s depressing and motivating at the same time. Within the community I was raised in everyone went away to college and haven’t been home since. They are living it up buying and selling houses and cars, working 9 to 5, vacationing… pretty much living the dream… WHY did I ever think college wasn’t for me?! I wish I could go back. In high school I didn’t try that hard and even though I made A’s and B’s with minimal effort I never did more than I needed to. I never took that extra step, I could have gotten a scholarship easily if I had really applied myself and took on all the extras I would have needed. I mean I didn’t even apply to any colleges because I was sure they wouldn’t accept. I lacked all the confidence and motivation I wish I had. I mean is there a condition that’s like the opposite of that hyper disorder. If there is I’m sure I have it. I can sit around all day and think up all these amazing things to do and accomplish, moments of true genius, but I can never seem to make them happen. I do the things I have to but some days it’s like I might sit down at the table and I think about everything I should be doing and places I could go… I look at the clock and think that I should get up and do something but it’s like I can’t make my body move like I can’t even take a sip of the water in front of me. It takes all my willpower to make myself move, but once I get up I’m fine. It’s like this weird stuck in my head thing. I dunno, it doesn’t happen all the time just some days. I don’t feel tired or depressed on those days either, that’s part of the problem at those times I just don’t feel anything. I wish I could associate it and say that it’s a problem with this or that but it’s not. Who knows maybe I’m just a weirdo lol.
